“… and he took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude…” Mathew 14:19
One of the most dangerous prayers to pray is…”Lord, show me who I am” Granted, it is often prayed by one who seeks to know their purpose, gifts, and talents so they can use these to give glory back to Him.
But in that request – to be shown who you are – is the need for your humanity to be revealed unto you. When you come to discover the frailty of it, you can focus on giving God all the glory and drawing your strength from him. You can learn to serve always – no matter your differences with the served – as onto the Lord.
I made this prayer, about a year ago. I was in the throes of an emotionally challenging and exhausting time. I ran to the Lord as we oft do in hardship. After examining the decisions I had made that led me to that place, I decided that I needed a reality check. “Show me myself,” I cried out. “Why am I like this? Why do I make the same mistake over and over again?”
The good Lord heard me and what proceeded was a series of events and experiences that have pierced me to my very core. “Oh, wretched man that I am” – (Romans 7:24) – this verse resonates with me. Thank God for His grace in Christ Jesus.
I have become remarkably aware of myself and my response or rather my reaction to events. Do I give a kind answer? Do I really love my enemy? Do I really not hold a record of wrong? Even when the wrong was so terrible? Do I still practice agape love with the ones who’ve hurt me?
What I have discovered and Lessons Learnt
As this is a journey that I and the Lord are still undertaking, allow me to share two lessons, I will add to this series as I progress.
I was comfortable as long as I held a job
I got pregnant and lost my job in the same month. I was not married and my job was basically my health insurance policy. I was always saying God is my provider. I then realized that this statement held true to me as long as I had a job; to me, the job was what made that word true.
By divine intervention, a message “Unfixing Your Income” from the Fountain of Wisdom Ministries was in my YouTube feed. The Holy Spirit led me to see that God is my provider regardless of my holding a job. “ But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” – (Philippians 4:19). This took a whole new level of faith and wisdom. Why Wisdom? To know that I should not idle and await money to fall from the sky, but that I should do what I can, as led by the Lord, while He supports me and brings great opportunities my way.
I did not work as unto the Lord
My dear grandpa is a good man, but he has an uncanny ability to get on my last nerve. I would attend to him, even when he made what I considered ridiculous and unnecessary requests. Then he would go on without a word of gratitude, or worse give a bad compliment on whatever I had just done. Oh, this filled me with palpable anger. I would seethe under the surface and it took all that is within me not to explode.
Many a time, after doing something for others that required sacrifice on my part, I expected compliments and gratitude – which is fair, right? But when the other party failed to do so: my heart was filled with certain resentment toward them. Then whatever service I would offer would lose meaning.
Then this scripture helped change my attitude: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” – (Colossians 3:23-24). My reward is from the Lord! As I serve and do my duty, I should look to the Lord for my reward. This enabled me to work for the good of others and serve them out of a pure heart. It’s not always easy, it is a process, but the Lord is gracing me.
I am constantly amazed, at how well God knows us. May this post encourage you to examine yourself with God’s help and may He take you from grace to grace, and glory to glory.